Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Conversations with a neurotic printer

Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.

Ellen: What do you mean, the printer is out of paper? There's a whole bunch of paper sitting there.

Printer: You know I've gotten cranky lately. I want exactly the right number of pages in there, or I won't print.

Ellen: Fine. Have some more paper.

Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.

Ellen: What the f***??! You're stuffed to the friggin' gills with paper!

Printer: Yes, but that's too MUCH paper.

Ellen (removing several pieces of paper): Fine. How's this?

Printer: The printer is out of--

Ellen: Look, I want to get this manuscript out today. Print. Right now.

Printer: The printer is out of--

Ellen (removing more paper and slamming a fist against printer for good measure): PRINT! NOW!

Printer: Jeez, there's no need to get so cranky. Maybe you need some Mountain Dew.

Ellen: Maybe I need a F***ING PRINTER THAT CAN F***ING PRINT!

Printer: Calm down. Look. I'm printing.

Ellen: Good. Fine. Thank you SO much for actually doing your job.

Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add more paper.

Ellen (whining pitifully): But we're only twenty pages from the end of the manuscript!

Printer: I feel like taking a break. All work and no play makes the LaserJet a dull boy, you know.

Ellen: So take a break later. Right now, print my book.

Printer: Sigh. I'm really feeling kind of tired....

Ellen: Do you know what a sledgehammer is?

Printer: Okay, okay. I'm printing!

Ellen: Thank you. You damned piece of junk.

Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.

Ellen: *&%$#!!!!!

2 comments:

  1. This is the kind of stuff that always happens when you're trying to get a manuscript out the door. You have my sympathy.

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  2. LOL - I had practically the same conversation with my printer a few weeks ago!

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