Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.
Ellen: What do you mean, the printer is out of paper? There's a whole bunch of paper sitting there.
Printer: You know I've gotten cranky lately. I want exactly the right number of pages in there, or I won't print.
Ellen: Fine. Have some more paper.
Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.
Ellen: What the f***??! You're stuffed to the friggin' gills with paper!
Printer: Yes, but that's too MUCH paper.
Ellen (removing several pieces of paper): Fine. How's this?
Printer: The printer is out of--
Ellen: Look, I want to get this manuscript out today. Print. Right now.
Printer: The printer is out of--
Ellen (removing more paper and slamming a fist against printer for good measure): PRINT! NOW!
Printer: Jeez, there's no need to get so cranky. Maybe you need some Mountain Dew.
Ellen: Maybe I need a F***ING PRINTER THAT CAN F***ING PRINT!
Printer: Calm down. Look. I'm printing.
Ellen: Good. Fine. Thank you SO much for actually doing your job.
Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add more paper.
Ellen (whining pitifully): But we're only twenty pages from the end of the manuscript!
Printer: I feel like taking a break. All work and no play makes the LaserJet a dull boy, you know.
Ellen: So take a break later. Right now, print my book.
Printer: Sigh. I'm really feeling kind of tired....
Ellen: Do you know what a sledgehammer is?
Printer: Okay, okay. I'm printing!
Ellen: Thank you. You damned piece of junk.
Printer: The printer is out of paper. Please add paper.
Ellen: *&%$#!!!!!
This is the kind of stuff that always happens when you're trying to get a manuscript out the door. You have my sympathy.
ReplyDeleteLOL - I had practically the same conversation with my printer a few weeks ago!
ReplyDelete